Mystic Pizza

I watched this with my friend about... two weeks ago?  I didn't find it particularly memorable then and I remember it even less now.  So why not attempt to write about it?  Excellent - glad you're with me.  Also, the font on the captions changes mid-post.  Just let it happen.

Short Review
Julia Roberts (Julia Roberts) and her friend Jojo (Lili Taylor) and sister Kat (Annabeth Gish) are besties and they have wacky adventures where drama happens, but nothing too dramatic.  It opens with an almost wedding, but oh no, Jojo the bride faints!  And it ends with Jojo saying 'whatever' and finally marrying Bill (Vincent Phillip D'Onofrio).  In between they love and lose and have shenanigans and sometimes serve pizza because this is called Mystic Pizza.  Julia is a brazen hussy who falls for a rich guy while Kat has relations with the guy she works as a babysitter for.  They live, they learn, they laugh and the movie ends woo.

Long Review
Julia Roberts is the sassy sexual rebel and she is pretty okay with that.  Kat is going to Yale and everyone is impressed about it.  Jojo (who will forever, in my mind at least, be Jojo the dog faced boy) ditzes around trying to figure out what to do about her fiance, Bill.  The movie opens with the wedding of the fainting bride and then pizza.  We learn about the ladies personalities - Kat is quiet and Julia is sassy.

Later, Julia catches herself Charles von Gordonham Windsorsmith, Jr. (Adam Storke) and they make sweet lovins all over the place.  Julia also shows her sassiness while Charlie is clearly using her to be rebellious... or is he?  Kat has FOUR jobs already, guys, and has been accepted to Yale, but she also wants another job.  Also she thinks she's better than everyone in her tiny town.  And she drives a Vespa.  The girl is an enigma.

Adventures in babysitting and she immediately bonds with the demanding fetus in question.  She also bonds with nerd dad, Tim (William Remington Moses), who also went to Yale, but is, alas, married.  This, as I suspected, will not stop them.  They bond over stargazing and being 'nerdy'.  Jojo and Bill have shenanigans all over the place, but she still doesn't want to marry him.  Bill gets sassier as the movie progresses because he loves her dangit!  Also, he names his boat 'Nympho' after Jojo.  So sweet.

Julia and Charles also have their goings on and Julia often acts a little crazy.  Like the one time they get drunk, steal Bill's truck (because he and Jojo are in a fight) and drive to the country club.  That jerk Charlie is there with another girl.  Julia flips out, gets in the truck, nearly hits Charlie's car and then dumps all sorts of fish stuff in it.  Turns out it was Charlie's sister.  Oh wacky misunderstandings.  Charlie doesn't think that it's insane to do that and immediately forgives Julia because she just loves him so.  Other stuff happens probably, but it's hardly dramatic at all so skip it.

Kat makes mistakes in love and makes love with the Tim.  But oh no his wife comes home!  More drama in the tiny town of Mystic.  She cries and cries because her heart is broken I guess.  Classes clash at a dinner party with Charlie's parents where Charlie makes an ass of himself while pretending to defend Julia's honor.  Jojo decides to get married and Julia makes poor life choices as usual.  The end!

The biggest downfall of this movie is that there is hardly enough pizza.  It is called Mystic Pizza and I do not feel that I have experienced Mystic and its pizza.  Another major, major problem is that any time something dramatic can happen it's like the writers decided 'actually no let's do the boring thing'.  So many times I saw potential for stuff to happen and then nope, nothing happens.  Bill gets caught with his pants down and Jojo near his naughty place!  What happens?!  Jojo's dad chases him for five seconds and then Jojo recaps it to us.  We just watched it, Jojo - we don't need you telling us again.

I get that it's a coming of age tale, but it just seems like no one grew.  Jojo gets married, but she doesn't seem that much more okay with it than before.  Bill just won't give in to her sexual needs unless she marries him.  That's hardly maturity.  And Kat gets her heart broken by sleeping with a married man and then cries about it and the movie ends before we see what became of that.  Julia ... I forget what happens to her.  Charlie apologizes for being a jerk at dinner maybe?  At any rate - she's still got nothing other than a rich guy now.  The minute he leaves her she'll be back to square one.  Bah!

Overall I give it: 3 poor life choices

Agree?  Disagree?  Something else entirely?  Tell me in the comments!